


Long Nights (Viktor's POV)

by Haileybuns_Haven



Series: Long Nights [2]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, VictUuri, Viktor Nikiforov - Freeform, Viktor just wants to help Yuuri through the night, Yuuri Katsuki - Freeform, victor nikiforov - Freeform, viktuuri, yuri katsuki - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-01
Updated: 2017-03-01
Packaged: 2018-09-27 16:12:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10030970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haileybuns_Haven/pseuds/Haileybuns_Haven
Summary: Viktor knows that Yuuri's a guarded person. But sometimes, he gets an unfriendly reminder of just how guarded he is.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is a 'sequel' I guess to my "Long Nights" drabble, only from Viktor's point of view--I'm not as experienced with Viktor so please don't hate me if it's not perfect >u
> 
>  
> 
> [My Tumblr](http://animation-compilation.tumblr.com/)

Living with Yuuri, getting to wake up beside him, eat every meal with him, skate with him, go to bed with him was, in a word, bliss. Viktor never thought anything less.  
From the moment Yuuri agreed to move with him to St. Petersburg, Viktor had been on cloud nine.  
He could only hope that Yuuri felt the same way. 

At first, things went smoothly. Yuuri had adjusted well to all of the changes going on around him. He embraced the move to St. Petersburg, his new rinkmates (who loved him in return, honestly Viktor couldn’t help but get a bit jealous whenever he saw everyone hogging Yuuri during practice). Makkachin loved having Yuuri around permanently, and Viktor found his spot in the bed taken by the poodle more and more frequently. But most importantly, Yuuri seemed…happy. Genuinely happy. And that was more than Viktor could ever ask for. 

If he had to pick out one flaw, however, it was Yuuri’s sleeping habits—in that…he had none. Viktor slept and woke up around the same time each day without the use of an alarm, something he was thankful for. But Yuuri, he could stay up until the sun rose and sleep until the following night if he was allowed. Viktor had always known that Yuuri was prone to sleeping in, but lately it seemed worse. Even when they woke up together and Viktor was certain that Yuuri had gotten a good night’s rest, there were bags under his eyes and it was clear that he was exhausted. Viktor knew he needed to say something, but he also knew Yuuri. He knew that pushing through Yuuri’s walls would only push him to isolate himself. It was better for Yuuri to come out on his own. To meet him halfway. And Viktor would wait forever if that’s what it took. He trusted Yuuri to trust him in return. 

But one night, Viktor knew he couldn’t wait any longer.  
They had gotten into bed around 10, with Viktor nuzzling against Yuuri, making sure that he could get his hands on every inch of his skin, wrap himself around his warmth, press his lips against his cheeks, his neck, breathe in his scent and just surround himself in everything that was Yuuri. Soon enough, sleep took over and he was out. Whether he had been asleep for seconds, minutes, or hours, he didn’t know. But he was immediately shaken when he felt his favorite warmth leave his arms. 

_“He probably just needs a drink…”_ Viktor thought to himself before cradling Makkachin beside him, trying to go back to sleep. But damn was it hard without his favorite person beside him. How many minutes had passed? Surely, Yuuri should have been back by now. Viktor sat up, trying to focus his eyes in the dark before pulling on one of Yuuri’s sweaters. For a moment, he tucked his nose into the collar of the shirt and heard himself laugh softly. The sweater was baggy and worn-out, but it was Yuuri’s favorite and always smelled like him. It was soft and warm and secure, it was Yuuri, in a sense. Viktor had no choice but to fall in love with it. 

He shook his head, reminding himself of why he had gotten up in the first place, and walked out of their bedroom door. 

“Yuuri?” Viktor’s voice was a bit lower than usual, as he was still waking up. He glanced around the apartment quickly, seeing no trace of his husband. _“He wouldn’t have gone out…”_ Viktor thought, _“ah.”_ He turned to his left, looking out the sliding glass doors and seeing a bundle of blankets curled up in a chair. He slowly pushed the door open, not wanting to startle him. “Yuuri?” He saw the bundle flinch. _“So much for not startling anyone.“_ Yuuri didn’t answer, and it scared Viktor. There were times when he would Viktor give short answers, or change the subject—but he never flat-out ignored him. 

Viktor paused and walked up behind Yuuri, gently wrapping his arms around him and resting his head on his shoulder. He squeezed him a bit, knowing he must be freezing—but also to make sure that Yuuri knew that he was still here. That he wasn’t leaving until Yuuri came with him. “Yuuri, it’s too cold out here.” Viktor was used to the cold. The comment wasn’t made for his benefit, he just wanted something casual, something simple that Yuuri could respond to…something. But instead, he felt Yuuri’s shoulders stiffen and in a moment it was as though he could feel Yuuri shrinking away from him, out of arm’s reach. And then everything ached.  
He tried again. “Yuuri…” he walked around, pulling up a chair to sit directly across from Yuuri, so close that their knees touched. Viktor hoped that Yuuri hadn’t heard his slight gasp—Yuuri, his beautiful Yuuri, looked so pale, so exhausted. His eyes had bags and had a slight red tinge to them. His nose and the tips of his ears were pink, his cheeks were rosy, and the sniffles—which in any other context would have been adorable—were abundant and worrying. But what scared Viktor the most was that Yuuri couldn’t even look at him.

He had to bring him back, gently. “Yuuri…” Viktor leaned in a bit, bending down slightly to meet Yuuri’s eyes, “Yuuri, talk to me.”

“I don’t deserve this…” Viktor almost wanted to sigh in relief when he heard Yuuri’s voice.  
_“Finally, finally. But…what did he say?”_

He leaned in once more, trying to make sure he hadn’t misheard. “Don’t deserve what?” 

Yuuri flinched again, and Viktor almost sat back from surprise. When he didn’t answer again, Viktor pushed. “Yuuri, you don’t deserve what?” 

He must have said something wrong. Done something wrong. Because in that moment, Yuuri’s breath began to quicken, his hands were trembling—whether it was from the cold or something else, Viktor didn’t care. Yuuri was clearly in pain, and he couldn’t control it. It was almost like the Cup of China but…more intense. Suddenly Viktor realized he had no idea what to do, but his instincts took over his body before his mind could. 

“Yuuri!” He heard his own voice, almost shouting, and realized that he had reached out for Yuuri’s hands, squeezing tightly. Yuuri blinked a few times, and eventually looked at Viktor—although it seemed like he was looking through Viktor at the same time. Viktor began to say whatever came to mind. “Yuuri, breathe, breathe. You’re going to hurt yourself…” After what felt like hours, Yuuri’s breathing became more controlled, and Viktor was trying his best to control his own breathing. He didn’t understand.

He had seen Yuuri get worked up once before, of course—but…that was during a competition. It was understandable to have a breakdown.  
But now they were home, together. No one else could see them, no one to criticize them, compete against them. What was there to be afraid of?  
The only way to find out was to ask. “Yuuri, is this like what happened before? Are you nervous about something?” 

Yuuri let go of Viktor’s hands, and pulled his knees up to his chest. 

“It happens.” 

Well. That was a start… He waited, knowing that he didn’t need to say anything. _I’m waiting, Yuuri. Waiting to meet you halfway._

Yuuri took a deep breath, “It happens every now and then and I just need air and quiet for a while. It’s my routine.”

_Routine?_ Had this been happening ever since they moved? Had it been happening before the move? Oh god—how many nights had Viktor missed? How many times had Yuuri sat here alone in the dark… 

“What made you cry like that?” Viktor couldn’t think of anything better to ask that wouldn’t chase Yuuri away. Whether it was an irrelevant question or not, he didn’t care. He just wanted Yuuri to talk. About anything.  
Yuuri looked at him with a mix of confusion and shock. While Yuuri seemed to think that he was good at concealing his emotions, Viktor thought otherwise. Yuuri was guarded, that much was painfully true. But, unfortunately, he was terrible at hiding his emotions when they appeared. When Yuuri felt, he felt deeply. In a way that was impossible to conceal. “Your eyes are red and puffy.” It wasn’t a complete lie. His eyes were a bit red. 

Yuuri seemed to relax a bit after hearing that. “It’s nothing, Viktor.” God, that hurt. “It’s just…anxiety. It flares up.” Anxiety. Viktor knew that Yuuri had dealt with anxiety, especially during competitions. But he didn’t know that it could be this bad in his everyday life. Suddenly a need to hold Yuuri, to protect him and kiss him and shelter him came over Viktor. But instead he gently brought his hand to Yuuri’s cheek, which he seemed to appreciate as he leaned into the touch. 

No more pushing away. That was good. 

“I’m just never going to understand you.” 

_Does he mean me?_ Viktor leaned back in his chair and raised his eyebrows, tilting his head a bit in surprise. He didn’t understand what Yuuri meant. If anyone didn’t understand something here, it was Viktor. What could Yuuri possibly be confused about?

“You should really hate me.” 

_…What?_  
Nothing. Nothing about that sentence registered in Viktor’s brain. The word “hate” in regards to Yuuri Katsuki was not in his vocabulary. He wasn’t capable of hating him. And for Yuuri to believe that he should hate him, like he done something to cause such a feeling…it broke Viktor. He watched as Yuuri tilted his head back to look at the sky. _How can he look so relaxed…he’s almost smiling…_

“I would, if I were you—hell I already do.” 

God, every word felt like a knife. 

_Yuuri…Yuuri my beautiful, kind, loving Yuuri…how could you ever even think something like that…why don’t you realize what a gift you are to me—to everyone…What am I doing wrong that you don’t understand how positively astounding you are…_

As if that wasn’t enough, Yuuri pressed on. “I took you away from skating, the thing you love most.” _Wrong, Yuuri. You are what I love most._ “I wasted a year of your life,” _No, love, you’ve added years to my lifespan,_ “You used a year of your life on a useless,” _No._ “Wannabe,” _No…_ “unknown skater with no potential. And the worst part is that I let you do it. I let you stay and I kept you to myself because I’m selfish and disgusting and worthless.” Viktor couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t. Every word out of Yuuri’s mouth filled him with a rage that he didn’t know he was capable of feeling. He wanted to kill every word, every syllable, every sound escaping his lips, to chase every repulsive thought in Yuuri’s head away with sweet nothings and… god what was Yuuri doing to himself? “You need to be skating. You need to be with people who are more like you—beautiful and confident,” _You, Yuuri. I need to be with you._ “Someone who commands attention and surprises everyone around them—“ _You, damn it! You!_

Viktor felt his entire body shaking now. He was so, so angry. So full of rage and sadness and confusion and just pure anger. Not towards Yuuri, never towards Yuuri. More at himself than anything. 

What kind of person was he if he had somehow missed the fact that Yuuri saw himself this way? How could he ever be worthy of Yuuri if he couldn’t even help him through something like this? He felt tears in his eyes, but didn’t move to wipe them away. 

“How can you say that?” Viktor clenched his teeth, feeling the tears slide down his cheeks. He quickly grabbed Yuuri’s hands, probably a bit rougher than he intended. “How can you say that about the person that means everything to me? How can you say those things about someone that gave me the world when I needed it most?” The words were spilling out before he could process them, “Yuuri Katsuki, you gave me my life and introduced me to a love that I never knew was possible,” his throat ached now, holding back sobs, “you’ve given me so many things that I can never return. “ _Please. Please, Yuuri please listen to me. I’m begging you to understand—to believe me,_ “You have surprised me since the night you came to me in all your drunken glory and you have continued to surprise me every day.” He felt himself smiling a bit—it was impossible not to smile when remembering how he fell so hard, so quickly. “You are the one person that can do that to me. You are the one person that doesn’t put me as a skater above me as a person. You are the one person who loves me entirely for who I am.”  
Viktor could see Yuuri tearing up at this point, but he had to continue. He wouldn’t stop until Yuuri had no choice but to believe every word that came out of his mouth. “And selfish? Yuuri…if you knew, if you really knew how selfish I am…” He shook his head a bit, “I should be the one asking why you’re here with me.” Yuuri looked shocked, his eyes doubled in size as he waited for an explanation—although Viktor didn’t seem to think he needed to give one. The answer was so painfully obvious in his eyes. “If you knew that the moment I saw you skate in that video I that I wanted to steal you away, that I wanted to force you onto the podium at the next Grand Prix even if it killed me. And then after learning more about you, I only wanted more of you in every way—as a skater, as a person, as a friend, a lover, a husband…” Viktor glanced down at their hands, running his thumb along Yuuri’s knuckles, taking extra time to feel the ring that sat on Yuuri’s finger so perfectly, like it was always made to be there. “You are my life and my love, you are the reason I keep going and the reason I’m skating,” Yuuri was crying now, but Viktor couldn’t stop himself, “the reason I can wake up each day and smile and know for a fact that I wake up next to the most beautiful, loving, compassionate, giving person in the world, and knowing that he loves me for some ridiculous reason that I will never understand. You are love itself, Yuuri Katsuki, so don’t you dare think for one moment that you are anything less than beautiful and deserving and…please just…don’t do this to yourself.”

Viktor brought his hands up to hold Yuuri’s face, gently pulling until their foreheads were pressed together. He saw tears spilling down Yuuri’s cheeks, and squeezed his eyes shut in relief when Yuuri pulled him in for a kiss. 

“I’m sorry…I’m sorry I’m sorry I don’t—I made you put up with this I woke you up I made you come out here I just—“ 

Viktor had a million protests to everything Yuuri was saying, but they were both clearly drained, So Viktor did the next best thing he could think of and just held his Yuuri. He pulled him to his chest and gently cradled his head, running his fingers through Yuuri’s hair, still in love with how he was growing it out. He pressed his lips into Yuuri’s hair, “Shhh…” 

Yuuri seemed to understand—at least, Viktor prayed silently that Yuuri understood. His breathing evened out and Viktor felt his chest rising and falling slowly, and began to rub circles on his back. This wouldn’t be the last time they had a night like this, he knew. But it would be the last night that Yuuri ever dealt with it alone. Even if Viktor never slept through the night again, he would be here to get through it with Yuuri. Every night for the rest of their lives, if that’s what it took. 

And Viktor wanted nothing more.

**Author's Note:**

> SO yup that's it!  
> For some reason I just really wanted to try and write from Viktor's perspective, since I never do that. I always like to think of things from Yuuri's point of view because it's much easier for me to get into his mindset. Usually when I try to think of Viktor, I only think of heart-mouthed, easy-going Viktor, rather than the more serious one that we see bits of in the show. So I know that this is far from perfect ^^ But hopefully I can get the hang of it...  
> Thank you for reading!


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